Taxicab Tales

As an exercise, I tried to coax interesting personal items from taxis drivers in Chicago during the short time we had together.

       Muslim guy The driver was speaking in unfamiliar language. He asked where I was from; I told him. Then he said he was a Palestinian from Jerusalem.

     We talked a bit about Jordan, and I mentioned that my cousin’s son went to Deerfield Academy with the current king.

     “All the royalty go to American schools,” he said.

     “The king is a brave man, he even flies fighter planes,” I said.

       I asked about his family. He had five children.

     “So you have no disposable income,” I said.

     “I have many bills I cannot pay.” Pointing to a wad of papers over the right visor. “They have turned off the heat, my wife will not wash until the bill is paid,” he said.

        “I’m going to leave them all, find a younger one,“  he added.

        “I’ve had two wives, but one at a time,” I said.

        “Become a Muslim, you can have four wives!” he said.

Pizza Guy    On the way to a meeting, I was impressed how he took clever shortcuts to avoid traffic.

       “You’re really good,” I said.

       ” That’s because I used to deliver pizzas,” he said.

        “How can they make money that way, “I said.

        “Because the client pays the delivery costs. Plus they save money by cutting back on the cheese.”

         “What’s the best pizza restaurant?

          “Uno’s”

           As I left the cab, I shared a secret I learned from a Michigan restaurant: they use taco dough for the thin crusts, which makes them delicious.

          He was not impressed.

Funny Guy  --I asked him to change the destination, and he quipped with a line out of Star Trek, something like “Yes, captain Kirk,”

       As we came up to the destination, I asked him about his family. 

        “I have five children”

        “You’re a lucky guy”

        He turned around and patted my arm, “Thank you.”

        He meant it.

     Christian from Iraq.    This was an Uber Driver. We chatted a bit, and he said he was from Iraq, but a Christian.

       He mentioned he didn’t look Arabic.

       “I’ll bet you hear some interesting conversations with passengers who don’t realize you speak Arabic,” I said.

         “Oh yes,” he said.

          “We are persecuted in Iraq because of our faith,” he added.

         “They’re a lot of Muslims moving to Chicago, “ he said. “Many are radical. My wife is very frightened.”

           “She told me, ‘We escaped to American, but if they keep coming, where else can we go?’” he said.

          Just after I got out I tried to retrieve his phone number.

         It was gone, and so was he. 

     Ethiopian Drivers—have a certain spirit, maybe because theirs was the only African country not colonized. They did have a civil war which nobody over here knows about.  I had a driver in NY who had come over in the 1960s. No papers no problem. Columbia university hired him right away. Haitian Drivers are usually cheerful too; and appreciate a little French. I joke with Nigerian Drivers saying their English is better than ours.

     I usually ask about food; and it is amazing how many exotic ethnic restaurants there are in Chicago.

Can’t- miss joke for male drivers.

     Q:  What is the one question when a woman asks a man, he has only one chance to get the answer right?

       A question that strikes terror in the heart of every experienced man.

      “I don’t know,” driver responds.

            (pause)

      “Do you notice something different about me today? “ I say.

      “Oh yes,“ he gets it right away.

Working on female drivers’ stories.

     I like to chat people up, and I asked one, a woman of a certain age, if she liked movies.

     She got a funny look on her face. “Are you married?”

     One mentioned the loss of a close friend; she said she was devastated.

     “Maybe you think of it this way; what would she want you to do? To be strong? “ I said.

     “Bless you,” she said.